


ÆVUS

by immigrantjughead



Category: Original Work
Genre: Animal Death, Character Death, Character Study, God Complex, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Misogyny, Murder, Narcissism, Original Character(s), Other, Poetry, Psychopath, Sociopath, Symbolism, Violent Thoughts, political views, terrible person, well a brief piece of poety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 23:25:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16649860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immigrantjughead/pseuds/immigrantjughead
Summary: To feel bones cracking underneath my fingertips, it's all I could ever ask for.





	ÆVUS

**Author's Note:**

> i am pissing myself as we speak. this is my first story.
> 
> ENJOY

I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger. 

I feel as though I have reached a state of enlightenment.

As I stand in a beautiful church with gold trimmings and an open view of a large cross that seems to be at the forefront of the stain-glass windows I can't help but think 'This is certainly different.' I've never been a believer in the church. In fact, I've always seen myself floating more towards Satanism. I'd even call myself the King of Hell. My endless rage toward religion was devoted entirely to the closure of many stores on a Sunday. But as I stand here looking at all the pathetic people hoping to get their prayers answered I can't help but want to stay. It's all very strange, life seems to be moving slower and I am the one who's moving the fastest. I sit down on one of the pews next to a stark-looking old woman who I wouldn't mind strangling, and continue to listen to the chatter of the little people as I stare at the stain-glass windows.

The service ends rather quickly and I find myself wanting to stay longer. I move on anyway and walk out with all the others. I feel uncertain on this day, which is never normal. I look around me and I feel a sense of anxiety crawling up and down my back. It makes me feel sick and I hurriedly walk down the stairs of the church and push people out of the way. Everything is faster, suffocating, I am suddenly aware of the weight of my hands and the need to destroy something. I keep walking and see a raggedy stray cat. I kneel down and hold my hand out for it. I feel a spike of anger as the cat only moves further away. Worthless fucking animal. But after making a few kissing noises the cat slowly, unsurely, walks towards me. I scoop up the cat into my arms and try not to gag at the scent. I keep walking, I don't want anyone to see me. 

I find a park and walk into it, at this point the cat is struggling and making me even more frustrated than I already am. I go further into the park, into a brush of trees, the shafts of light move throughout the trees and leaves. It is beautiful, I wish I could take a picture. I look around to make sure that I am in fact, alone, the silence is deafening but homey. I get on my knees and lay the cat on the grass. It attempts to move but I only hold it down and then this is where the fun begins. 

I start to strangle the animal, its desperate clawing at my arm only infuriates me more. I bite it. The feeling of its flesh between my teeth only makes me add more pressure, I can feel the blood welling up in my mouth. 

The cat is yowling now, fucking annoying. I keep biting it and strangling it. I want to fucking gut it. I start to punch it, anywhere I could lay my hands I punched and gnawed. I took to squeezing the cats head, just wanting to see the eyeballs pop out of their fucking sockets. It's bloody and euphoric. I adore it. I wanted to do more, but I didn't have any of my materials. I wanted to douse the thing in gasoline and light it up. I wanted to dissect it and look at every little bit and study it. I wanted to take my pocket knife and gut it to bits and pieces, I wanted to string up its intestines like party favors, but I came unprepared. I wanted to turn this little kitty in a bloody pile of mush. I have so many wants for this little creature, but nothing with me. That was fine. I will settle for strangling for now. I felt absolutely fan-fucking-tastic once I felt the little kitty's skull break in my hands. I love that feeling. The feeling of bones snapping in my hands. I wanted more. I stood up from the animal. Its neck was sort of floppy and its head was caved in. The eyeballs out of the sockets and lying on the forest floor. I don't even remember both of them coming out. I stomped on it a few more times and watched the blood spew from different orifices. I took a step back to admire my work. 

It really was beautiful. I don't want this picture to only be trapped in my mind. I want to photograph it. The shafts of light hitting the cat in different areas made me feel a sense of calm. God, I hope you're watching this. 

I stepped away from what was left of the animal and took out my phone to check the damage on myself. The blood trailed down my chin and was all over my mouth. I really should have thought this through longer. I need to find some sort of water source. I can't let anyone see me like this. The anxiety was back and my frustrating was growing. I stood still and tried to hear any source of water. I moved quickly, running turning into sprinting. I feel the cold sweat and a sense of dread, but not regret, never regret.

As the river comes into my sight, my mouth dries, as though a drop of water has never touched my tongue. The water gathers around my hands and I pause for a second watching it softly sway. 

I've had the idea in my head for a while. I want to kill a real human being. To feel bones cracking underneath my fingertips, it's all I could ever ask for. To see a real person's eyes stare back at me as they take their last few breaths. I want to be the one to take them out of this world. Because you see, once the idea exists, it cannot be killed.

I cup the water and rub it into my pores. The water feels cleansing but I know that it will never be able to truly cleanse anything on me. I stand up and stretch, hearing my bones pop and I feel satiated, for now at least. The hunger will always come, it is a hunger for life, to take a life with my own two hands. I truly am the sun and everyone else is Icarus. No one can ever stand against me.

I start walking back to the opening of the park and I can't help but continue to think about life and death. At one point in life, you're given the choice to save the world or the person in front of you. And when you're given this dilemma, and you save the person in front of you, you damage the world despite how small or big the impact may be. I would never save the world. Why would I? I suppose that there are some good things that can come of saving the world. I can manipulate, I love to truly hurt someone. It makes me feel powerful. I am not capable of stopping. 

I walked out of the spot in the forest and into the park. I watched the people and avoided the joggers. The sky is strangely clear today and the world seems stark. The air is still and everyone is doing mindless activities. I am the only one who has a mind, who has actual thoughts, they are nothing more than mindless pieces on my chessboard. But that is all right. I am an innovator. I walk out of the park and down the street. I have a car but today I decided to walk. I don't really know why. I walked past two girls, both of which dressed scantily. How can a woman dress like that? Chest revealing clothing, short skirts, show some fucking respect. They are absolute whores. I have yet to see a woman who dresses conservatively. There is no perfect woman, hell, there is no perfect person. That's something the world doesn't see. They say that nothing is perfect, yet they fail to find distaste in some things. Which makes them, repeating the saying, turn to hypocrisy. If you notice con in a specific, it's not perfect. If you find no distaste in particular, then I understand. You are just as socially ignorant as the ones who blindly follow the path of infamy.

I finally see my apartment complex in my path and start to speed my pace up a little bit. I reach my door and pull out my keys, noticing the bit of blood underneath my fingernails. It makes me briefly smile, I unlock my door and walk in, taking a deep breath and releasing. 

I strip my clothes off, letting them fall in different places in my living area as I make my way to the hallway. I glance at the photos on my wall. The photo of my family, I stare at my sister Arvia. Oh, the memories I have. Arvia telling our parents about me biting our cat. Her yelling at me for catfishing using her photos and her classmates' photos. Arvia and I arguing and then her leaving. I don't know why I have this photo. I glance another, this one of my time at the military academy. That was a time I really did enjoy. Yelling and leading the cadets. Perhaps I could go back. My rank is still high and I know that I could still ask to come back and get everything I have given back to me. I'm not quite sure why I even left. I just woke up one morning and I stared at different items in my quarters. The same wall, the same bed, the same routine. It got boring, I don't like being bored. But now I don't understand. I know that I will never be satisfied and that upsets me. I am a beast that needs to be constantly fed. Some things will never be enough for me. I feel miserable at points but maybe I should return. No one's going to care if I do. I look almost happy in the photograph. I want to look closer, I want to relive the feeling of being there but the closer you look, the less you see. 

I shake my head and continue moving until I reach the bathroom. I start the shower and climb in.

-

I sit down on my bed in my shorts and t-shirt. I let the water from my wet hair cascade down my back.

Simplicity within a human is fucking horrid. 

I pull out my notebook, I feel a surge of creativity hit me.

\- Stone -  
Man, life is just  
taking you by the neck,  
and rattling your whole frame  
and you don't know  
which way is up.  
It's scary as shit when the wheels  
come off like that, man.  
I feel you. I've been there.  
I mean it.

But that's when you got to start listening.

It has to be one of my best pieces yet.

I hear a knock on my door and instantly get antsy. Who the fuck is this? I feel apprehensive as I move toward the door. I look through the peephole and see my comrade, Gertrude. Now, this is interesting. If you remember my rant about females, you will know how much I hate it when they show cleavage. But Gertrude is different. She doesn't dress like them, thank fucking god. I don't necessarily like her, but I don't hate her. I trust her. 

"Douglas!" she yelled. 

For a second I debate letting her in, and I decided against it. I moved away slowly, silently, from the door. I'm not in the mood to speak to anyone right now. She's still pounding on my door and I feel the urge to open it and strangle her. Perhaps she could be my first human kill. But not right now, I'm simply not dressed for the occasion. If I'm going to take someone's life I'd like to be dressed up properly for the event. It certainly is the least I could do. 

I shake my head and move to my room. 

I open my laptop back up and I can still hear the knocks on my door. Why doesn't she just fucking give up? I put my earbuds on and decide to watch Sherlock. 

Sherlock. Now that is a smart man. God, I have never related to anyone more than him. He is the smartest man in a world full of absolute morons. I watch it until the moment my eyelids grow heavy. 

-  
The light is the first thing I see when I open my eyes. I feel disgusting. I run my hands through my hair and stand up, listening to my joints pop. I move on to my living space and turn on the television while I plan to make breakfast. I turn on the news. I usually don't watch the news because I don't need video proof to know how fucked up the world is. I'm cooking eggs when I hear something about the homosexuals on the television. Fucking liberals. I get to see the fucking faggots on the news. I swear to god that if I ever came across a faggot I'd tear them to shreds. The liberals have too many rights in this fucking country. 

I eat my breakfast and go back into my room to get into some formal wear. Today, like yesterday, I feel is strange. Something is going to end today. I know it. I am always right. 

I walk outside my apartment and my phone rings.

"Hello?" I ask, feigning innocence.

"Douglas, you motherfucker," Gertrude says angrily, "I was at your fucking door last night."

"Boo-fucking-hoo." I respond back, maybe I will kill her. I don't think anyone will miss her.

"Listen, let's get dinner tonight, I have something to announce." I can tell by the way she said it that she is smiling. If she's smiling then I probably won't enjoy it. 

"Did you already make reservations?" I'm calm when I ask. I don't want to go but I realize I have to in a way. 

"I did, at Spoons."

"Spoons? The people there are shitty and fake and the food tastes like bile." Great, she can't even pick a good restaurant. 

"Douglas shut the fuck up and just come here."

"Fine." I hang up before she can say anything else. She'll be upset, but really it is her own fault. I treat her like shit and she comes back. I treat all of my so-called 'friends' like that. They always come back. Because of course, they do. I am in a position of power. I am stronger than all of them. They are weak. They have no clue that they are dealing with a god. But then again, perhaps they, people, friends, are the sun and I am Icarus.

I walk and look around me. I see someone with their dog and I have already made up my mind. They tie up their dog onto one of the bike racks and go inside the coffee shop. What an absolute dumbass. I walk over to the poor little pooch and untie the knot on the leash. No one is paying attention, they're all mindless. Looking at their phones and are only stuck in their own minds. It's perfect for me abuse.

I decide not to be too elaborate today. I simply lead the dog to an alleyway, the dog is fairly complacent. I walk further into it, I'm under the cover of darkness. This time I was relieved, I did bring my pocket knife this time. I lead the dog in front of me and then kick it in the stomach. It growls at me and latches its teeth onto my wrist, it makes me even more pissed off. I take the pocket knife and jab the dog in the stomach and then I pull it down. I continue to slash at it. I feel like a maestro conducting an orchestra. I am the sun, I decided. 

Its intestines spill out and the warm blood flows down my arms. I'm glad to see the sight. The dog yowls at me but it is all right because I am the one who's in control. I continue stabbing it with no sense of remorse. It becomes apparent to me that I hear someone shouting. I stop stabbing the poor pup to assess the situation. I'm still alone but I assume that the dog owner is in a frenzy. I run further down the alley and I come to a fence, I climb over it with my military training. I keep running. It's the only thing I can think to do. I run until I find that I am alone. I jumped when I heard a distant scream. So, they found the dog. I really should've thought this through, it's far too early for any violence.

I keep going until I come across Gertrude's apartment. She shouldn't be in her apartment right now and I made her give me a spare key. The stupid bitch never asked any questions. She knows better than to ever question me. I open up her door and rush to her bathroom. I don't want to be here longer than I have to. I clean off the dog blood from my hands and check my clothing. It's not too bad, just a little on my coat sleeves. I do try and be careful. I take off my coat and leave it here. I don't care enough to carry it around with me. If Gertrude asks any questions I will hurt her. I throw my coat behind her couch and turn on her television just to see how fast the news spread. The reporter, showing cleavage, is talking about the recent string of animal deaths. I will admit that it is not the first time I've done such a thing. It certainly won't be the last. There are some camera pans to police officers. I see one in particular.

Seraphina.

Seraphina is a consulting detective. Brown hair, big tits, big ass. She doesn't know how to dress. I hate the bitch, personally. She's a mutual friend of one of mine. If I ever saw that bitch I would fucking strangle her. I turn off the television and decide to leave Gertrude's apartment. I have a couple more hours before I have to meet up with Gertrude. I decide to wander around aimlessly.

-  
Finally, it's time. I've managed to waste time going in and out of stores, it felt like a grueling process but I find my way to Spoons. I haven't had any good experiences at the restaurant but Gertrude comes here often. Fat bitch. I walk in and I immediately see Gertrude and she waves me over. I know by the way her expression is that she is pissed off at me. Possibly for the way I acted over the phone.

"Gertrude," I say in lieu of hello. Gertrude remains unimpressed.

"Douglas, if it wasn't for the fact that we're in a restaurant I would reach over this table to choke you."

I smile slightly, it isn't real.

"What did you want to say, Gertrude?" I'm trying to lure her into a place of false security.

"Well, I suppose for now I will forget the way you acted earlier today," Gertrude returns to her happy demeanor. "I wanted to tell you that... I got the promotion!" Gertrude smiles brightly and I could care less.

"Why, Gertrude, that is fantastic," I say. She smiles brightly in response.

The dinner goes by just as I expected; horrible. The food was shitty, the atmosphere was shitty, the person I was eating with was shitty. Gertrude and I are walking outside together. It's dusk out and I can't believe that I had wasted this entire day. That pisses me off. We were walking in the park where I had decimated that cat, Gertrude was speaking in some nonsensical babble.

"Douglas?"

It sounded innocent enough but I decided that it was enough. I took the pocket knife from my back pocket and opened it, admiring it with the little light that was left.

"Douglas, what is that?"

She really does speak far too much. I move the pocket knife in my hand and stab Gertrude in the stomach, she screams. I continue to stab her and she continues to scream. I replace the knife with my hands and put them around her neck. I add pressure and watch as her eyes bulge out of her head. I keep choking her and her legs are moving rapidly. I really didn't expect her to be so much of a fighter but that was fine because I was stronger. I was punching her now, forcing open the hole I made in her stomach with my hands. I was pulling out her intestines and I couldn't stop. I needed to destroy her indefinitely. I was aware of the sounds behind me but I couldn't stop. It felt like I was in the home stretch.

A booming, deafening sound played out.

I looked down at my stomach. Along with Gertrude's blood, I saw a pool of my own spreading through my shirt. I looked behind me and was taken aback.

Seraphina.

She was holding a gun in her hands with her mouth agape. I saw the red and blue lights coming closer.

I stood up, with the intent to kill her.

She said something. I couldn't hear her. I didn't want to. I felt like my kingdom was coming down around me, everything that I have worked to make was crumbling. All because of her. She was still speaking, I read her lips. I think she was saying stop but I kept moving toward her. She pulled the trigger once more and another time after that. I felt like I was being pushed back by an invisible force. The lights were here with us. Spread around the two of us. Everything was moving slowly again. It only felt like Seraphina and I were the ones who continued to move. She started to put the gun down, slowly, with apprehension. She knows that she won. I fell to my knees and she moved closer to me. I looked up at her, I felt the blood pour out of my mouth and down my chin. The dusk was beautiful and the lights from the police were framing Seraphina's face. Perhaps Seraphina is the sun and I am a poor Icarus. She was speaking, I watched her mouth form the words but I did not hear them. Things started to blur and my world crumbled. I fell backward. There are black silhouettes behind Seraphina. It is my time. Maybe I ended up spending far too much time in my mind and with my thoughts. Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention. It is my own fault.

You are a victim of your own mind.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you very much for reading. i am crying this is funny


End file.
